Although there are no statistics, a broken engagement is certainly a more common experience than we might think. The problem is that no one wants to talk about it.
“The pain of a broken engagement is all the worse because it’s a public failure. The announcement of an engagement means that the couple’s commitment passes from the private to the public sphere,” marriage counselor Nadine Grandjean explains to Aleteia. If the couple decides to call off the wedding, "they find themselves facing decisions full of consequences.”
Grandjean points out a phenomenon that’s becoming more and more frequent today: young people who live together without getting engaged, who plan to get married and who finally separate after a few years. “They don't get engaged, but they buy a common apartment, a paradox that can often be the trigger for the breakup because it’s the first concrete step towards married life and it suddenly feels scary,” she notes.
Moreover, even those who break off their engagement often prefer to speak not of a breakup but of a “separation.” For themselves and their loved ones, this word seems more acceptable. Perhaps it lessens the impact of doubts and questions: Who did wrong? Who fell short? Who didn't want to get married?
Between freedom and pressure
Engaged couples who break off their engagement experience it as a small divorce.
Among all the engaged couples that Fr. Paul Habsburg has prepared for the sacrament of marriage at Our Lady of Auteuil Parish in Paris, there have been a few who have broken off their engagement.
But can someone in this situation believe that it’s possible to live a true love story again, this time solemnized by marriage? For Fr. Paul Habsburg, it’s essential to realize that through baptism, “every person has the possibility of entering into the history of salvation, of giving meaning to his or her life, of succeeding.” And the most important thing is to “continue to love in everything we live and do, in the good times as well as in the bad.”
By continuing to be a loving person, we form part of God’s story. “If you give God his place, the story will always end well,” says Fr. Paul Habsburg. So, instead of letting frustration engulf you, it is better to "cultivate the hope that God is always there, that he sees us, that he walks with us. This is how we transform our life and the world through love and hope," he says.
Time lived is not lost
Time lived is not lost. Tough times are like an injury from which we heal and learn something about life. Living in hope and forgiveness already means doing very good things.
"We aren’t on earth to succeed but to learn to love. All opportunities are good, even failures. It’s important to focus on the present moment and to know how to live it, rather than immediately projecting ourselves into the dream of a successful romantic relationship. Don’t let your mind be elsewhere, but here and now with hope, love, and strength," advises Fr. Paul.
Mourning in this case means looking back over what we have been through and considering it as a learning experience. It means being like a saint, who is not someone who suffers heroically but rather someone who loves heroically in suffering, as Fr. Paul explains.